Paul Georges . Alterego Construction

My Mom just had a fit on the phone. Why? It’s a long story about my cat. Yeah, I know, it sounds terribly lame. In fact, it is, but let’s forget about that for now because it’s of very little or even no importance to me.

“Of very little or even no importance to me…” now these words are important. They tend to be floating through my little psyche quite a lot lately. I guess I’m subconsciously getting my priorities straight. However, my Mom tends to think that my new approach to life is very cynical; she just mentionned that I seem to be developping a devil-may-care attitude.

Webster

Main Entry: dev·il-may-care
Pronunciation: “de-v^&l-(”)mA-’ker, -’kar
Function: adjective
: EASYGOING, CAREFREE

I’m guessing that she meant to use a adjective with more of a negative connotation than devil-may-care…

“Je pense avec mes peurs, j’aime selon mon horaire. J’ai le coeur dans la tête…”

So what is important to me? Throughout this last year, my values have evolved into a set of moral standards that I truly believe in and that I try to share with the people that surround me. Just about this time a revolution passed, I began comtemplating many things:

• Is life meant to be spent alone? With one person? Many people?
• What is success and how is it defined?
• Are jealousy and regret things that I really want to deal with throughout my short life?
• What if I died tomorrow? What have I accomplished? How will I be remember? Do I want to be remembered?
• Do I really know myself? What do I want/need? What is my goal?
• What are my values?

I know you guys and gals are saying this all sounds very artsy-fartsy and shit, but I’m serious; I ask myself these questions on a daily basis. Personally, I think it’s important to ponder life’s mysteries. If we don’t ask ourselves significant questions, we are then no more cultured than our beloved house pets. The meaning of our existance would thereby be minimalized to that of survival; the need to eat, to sleep and to fuck in order to spawn children. These are the questions that have lead me to my present set of values which I happen to be very proud of. Maybe I really have adopted a devil-may-care approach to life but it sure seems to be working for me.

edit: This post is most obviously the least coherent I’ve ever written.