Paul Georges . Alterego Construction

Less than a month remaining. But a month left. A month. Just one. I’m having a hard time visualizing this glass, the transparent container that we call life, as half full at the moment. I’ve honestly never been so confused in my entire life as I have been during these last few weeks. I’ve learned so much since August… about people, about the world, about culture, about history, about myself, about life. I keep learning every day that passes here in Sverige… with every new person I meet, with every new place I visit, with every discussion I take part in. Being abroad is a constant learning experience and I simply am not ready to let all this knowledge slip through my hands like the cold sand that awaits me at home. I try being optimistic by attempting to convince myself that 28 days is enough to gracefully end this experience in Sweden as an exchange student… to do everything that I have left to do before I am content with myself. Fact of the matter is, there is never enough time available to travel the entire globe, to meet everyone that is worth meeting, to live out our life as it was meant to be lived.

“Si jamais on te demande
Où je suis passé
C’est facile, invente
Dis tout sans rien dire
Ou mens sans mentir

Ne dis surtout pas
Combien j’ai peur
De ces voix dans ma tête
Qui me racontent
Des histoires bizarres
Et très étranges
Je finis par les croire
Et elles me hantent
Du matin au soir
Dis tout sans rien dire
Ou mens sans mentir

Je fais un rêve
Chaque nuit le même
Et dans ce rêve
Tout est plus réel et plus terrestre
Où je me vois tout en contrôle
Aimer la vie, m’aimer aussi

Si jamais
Tu fais un voeu
Sous une étoile filante
Ferme les paupières
Pense à moi ton frère
Vois comme je suis pauvre
Face à toi, l’âme saine et sauve
Si je suis fou comme je le pense
Reste là à mes cotés
En silence, sans rien dire”

- Daniel Bélanger, “Dit tout sans rien dire”

Sitting in the bath, I pondered on all the things I’ve accomplished here in Linköping. Yes, I’ve done a lot and I’m proud of the way I’ve spent the little time that has been allocated to me but I can’t help but feel that I could have done more (to a certain extent). I sometimes tell myself that I could have visited a few more countries, I could have been out several more times, I could have gotten to know more people (there are 700 of us afterall). However, ultimately I’ve accomplished the goal that I had set for myself from day I stepped on to that very British Airways airplane at Trudeau Airport: I’ve grown wiser and I’ve learned so much more about myself and how I want to spend my life.

The hardest part of travelling is choosing what we want to see, what we want to experience. Yes, Marshall McLuhan said it best: the world is a global village. This so called global village is, unfortunately, much larger than one could expect it to be… it would take several lifetimes to blindly wander its roads like I do the mapped streets of my hometown by the coast. Will I ever be content with what I gain abroad… will it ever be enough?

I should simply appreciate the fact that I’ve had the chance to travel during my studies and be grateful for everything that has been handed to me on a silver platter. I spent the night just thinking and balling my eyes out, searching for answers to my neverending flux of stupid questions. Hopefully I have some great friends to lend an ear and to simply let me know that everything is going to turn out fine if I profit from the time I have left. Let the coming month be one of monumental value: grandiose and memorable.

I leave you with a letter from the past, written on a long bus ride home.

“To my loving family, best friends, favourite couple and wonderful surprise,

I’m watching the bridges fly by my passenger seat window. My departure is real, it has officially begun. I can feel it in my gut. This is what I leave behind.

You can’t even imagine the intense melange of emotions being brewed in my psyche at this moment. I’m scared shitless, however I’m overcome with excitement. I’m leaving my life as I know it behind, yet I am convinced that I will be able to pursue a happier one once I have experienced what is ahead. I’ve always acknowledged that my life was a constant paradox but, ironically, the contradictions have never been this clear.

5 months of excursion in uncharted waters is what awaits me in Sweden; home of the legendary meatball. What I’ve realized about travel without even having to go anywhere is that, no matter how much one reads, researches and digs for the truth, one can never truly anticipate what the road to be travelled has in store. Yes, you can plan an itinerary. You can even pack your bags months ahead of time to ensure that the slightest detail is not overlooked. What you can not foretell however is how you will adapt to change, to a new environment and especially to new people. If the things that I experience overseas are anywhere close to the moments I’ve spent with you all, my voyage will have had a purpose, will have been fruitful. You are what I leave behind.

I promise to make you all proud. À très bientôt mes chers amis et êtres aimés, je vous souhaite tous un excellent voyage.”

-Paul Georges, August 5th 2006