I find myself currently incapable of getting a seconds worth of sleep. Usually listening to my “Fall Music” playlist on my iPod does the trick and sends me off to dreamland but tonight not even the comforting melodramatic music of this given list can help me find the shuteye that I need. Things have been sketchy and quite volatile lately: things normally are when I decide to post on my blog. As I said in my last post, this blog is always around, patiently waiting, when I need to get something off my chest and let everyone in the world read (maybe even feel) what I’m going through.
As of late, the days have been long yet short, uninteresting most of the time. I have been accordingly unproductive on pretty every level of my daily life. I’ve actually made a routine of waking up at 11h in the morning and having breakfast for dinner. I sometimes even have breakfast for supper (but that’s not because I wake up late, simply because I have a horrible, HORRIBLE, diet)! Music keeps me alive. So does the gym.
I have to work. I have to travel. I have to be happy. I have to be a good friend. I have to be a good boyfriend. I have to be a good son. I don’t want to die regrets.
Sounds pretty heavy doesn’t it… These thoughts prance loudly through my mind and tap dance on my heart on a daily basis, all day long, as if trying to get me to wake up and live my fucking life before its too late. I know that I have the potential to accomplish and uphold all these objectives and self-imposed promises. Yet, I’m doing nothing to get shit done. A lack of will power? A lack of interest? A lack of confidence? Or maybe even a combination of the above mentioned hypotheses. Sometimes I wonder what the fuck is wrong with me! I want to accomplish so many things. I get psyched just thinking about all the things I’m meant to do. I get the impression I can do everything. I begin taking these things on and in the end, I get nothing done. No advancement. Stuck at square one… Maybe the ideal solution would be to take everyday one minute at a time and to breathe fluently instead of gasping for air.
“It’s a long way from the Moon up to the Sun,
It’s a longer road ahead of me, the road that I’ve begun,
Stop to think of all the time I’ve lost,
Start to think of all the bridges that I’ve burned that must be crossed”
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